When you find yourself torn between where you should spend your effort and energy, the answer is likely your spouse.They are your priority, and your energy and effort should first be devoted to them.No, I am not saying this is the say all end all on the debate.
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A relationship with the opposite sex can only go so far before it starts infringing on the covenant of your marriage. I am not saying you can’t have friends of the opposite sex.
And I am not saying that all your opposite sex relationships are bad.
If your deepest desire is to have a strong, healthy, covenant, marriage that is #beating50percent, then you have to be willing to align your strongest desires with your deepest desires. But I was dating to marry, and if Audrey was going to be my wife, then I needed to learn an important lesson So I put myself in Audrey’s shoes, and thought to myself, “What if Audrey had a guy friend who was becoming her best friend, and it wasn’t me…” I hated the thought. Within marriage that would be so wrong it’s insane. I’ve heard people say that being able to have opposite-sex friends is a sign of a healthy relationship. In my opinion, this viewpoint is naive and selfish.
I was in love with Audrey and she knew that, this girl was just my who I cared about deeply. Marriages have “ups” and “downs.” During an “up” season, where everything is bright and dandy, it might be easier to allow a seemingly harmless opposite-sex relationship to exist, even if it frustrates your spouse a little bit.
For Audrey and I, our boundary is that we don’t hang out alone with anyone of the opposite sex. If so, then don’t make room for relationships that will cause your spouse to doubt, feel jealous, compare themselves, or even feel like they are missing out.
if one of us has respectfully asked the other not to. Don’t send that completely innocent text about “work stuff” after hours.
Wait a minute, that sure sounds a lot like the vows once made to a special person called your spouse…
You made a promise, and now you must make decisions that honor your promise.
Your effort and energy should go to her first, always. I was splitting my efforts 60/40 percent between Audrey and my friend. Although I was not married to Audrey yet, when you are dating intentionally, the principle remains the same. If my relationship with my friend in Santa Barbara had progressed any further, I would have been choosing my friend, over Audrey.